There has been some recent discourse on social media surrounding one hypothetical question: Women- if given the choice, would you rather find yourself alone with a strange man in the woods, or a bear?

The overwhelming response from the women of the internet has been a resounding- BEAR. This has caused quite an uproarious reaction from a lot of the menfolk, at least from the ones that are not being honest with themselves. Not all men have been outraged by our responses though (see what I did there?). I posed the question to my husband but swapped out a woman for our daughters. Before I could even finish the question, he answered “Bear,” because despite being a man himself, he understands that men in general are the biggest threat girls and women face. He also understands that when I am answering “bear” in generalities or regarding strange men, I am not referring to him. If the question had been posed- would you rather find yourself alone in the woods with Sean or with a bear- the answer would always be Sean. But that’s not an entirely fair comparison, because I will choose Sean every day for the rest of my days over everyone and everything. A big reason for that is because of the way that he answered that question. But the point stands- if given the choice between being stranded with a bear or a man I know and trust, I would choose that man and hope that my instincts about him have been correct. But even then, the pool of men I would choose from would be very small, like three or four. A strange man, however? No shot.

The justifications for our choosing the bear have been filled with women pouring their hearts out about what actual men have done to them, what cops and judges have said to them after, the lengths their families went to trying to cover up the crimes, etc. We have also conceded that, yes, we understand that not all men are a threat to us. The problem is, we do not know which ones are. It is like the old adage about guns- for your safety and mine, ALWAYS assume the gun is loaded.

As has been stated over and over by countless women, if I get attacked by a bear, people will believe me. If I get attacked by a bear, I won’t have to continually see the bear at family reunions. If I get attacked by a bear, the cops won’t ask me if I had been drinking or what I was wearing. If I get attacked by a bear, I won’t have to face it in court and have a judge explain away the violent violation against my body because the man is a good athlete and has a bright future ahead of him. The bear will simply maul me because it needs a meal or feels threatened. A man will maul me and then do unspeakable things to my body because he craves power and it amuses him. I think maybe what is being missed by the men is that there are so many things worse than death. I’d say a quick death by bear is preferrable over a lot of possible scenarios that are far more horrifying– and they all involve men.

Perhaps the disconnect lies in the fact that men simply cannot conceive of what it is like to exist in this world as a woman. What it is to have constant vigilance of your surroundings, the people near you, what time of day you’re moving about in public, always carrying pepper spray or some other defensive weapon, sharing your location with friends or family when going on a date, never leaving your drink unattended, trying not to dress too provocatively to eschew unwanted attention. Every move and choice is entirely calculated for one thing: to not attract dangerous men.

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her life time by a man, and that’s only accounting for the instances where it has been reported. Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults, only 310 are reported. It is also true that 8 out of 10 sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. Which, if you ask me, is an even stronger argument in favor of the bear.

Several years ago, this question was posed on Twitter (the day I start calling it X, send a wellness check):

The responses should not surprise anyone (paraphrased for space):

• I’d go for a run at night
• I’d walk from my office building to the train station alone
• I’d leave my doors unlocked and my windows open
• I’d wear crop tops
• I’d have both AirPods in and go for a walk in the dark
• I’d allow my daughters to venture as far as they’d like without constantly fearing for their lives and wellbeing
• I’d go dancing without fear of being ogled or groped
• I’d never wear a bra again
• I’d host a massive picnic with my girlfriends late at night where we would sleep under the stars
• I would feel. safe.

Does that paint a thorough enough picture for you? The moral of the story is, as mentioned earlier, we know that not all men are a threat to us, but enough of them are that, until we figure out a way to know which men are, we are treating that gun like it is loaded at all times.