This week, I watched one of the darlings of the right boldly and enthusiastically claim that he was a virgin. No, I’m serious. Just watch.

Yep. That’s Nick Fuentes. The pipsqueak that proclaimed, “Your body, our choice!” after Trump won his second term. The leader of the white nationalist terrorist organization that murdered Charlie Kirk, dubbed The Groypers. The shit weasel who barely clears 5’10” in height but fancies himself an arbiter of masculinity. And you know why he fancies himself that? Because the right treats him like one.

I need you to really ruminate on this, okay? Really sit with it and stew. One of the top voices of the right is a loud and proud virgin. A man who revels in his vehement distaste for women as a whole. So does sincerely liking, respecting, and enjoying women’s company make you gay now? Has the misogyny rotted your brains so thoroughly that you’ve decided that not only does washing your ass make you gay, but that the new marker of masculinity is to be VOLUNTARILY celibate?! A volcel, if you will? As you well know, I have no problem with queer people in any way. I’ve been praying to any deity that would listen since my daughters were born that they’d all three turn out to be lesbians and spare themselves the inevitable disappointment & frustration that accompanies an attraction to men. Nick Fuentes really hates gay people though. Like, a lot a lot. So him celebrating his virginity is super fucking weird.

You know who else is super fucking weird? Ben Shapiro, clocking in at 5’9″. Another short fella who has suffered from little man syndrome his entire life and decided to cultivate a career out of making that everyone else’s problem. A man so utterly lacking in masculinity that he’s afraid to say the word pussy.

The only thing this limp-dicked, helium-voiced mother fucker has ever done when in the company of a pussy is dry it up like the Sahara. How is this your guy?! He speaks as if his nuts never descended from his abdomen and THIS IS YOUR GUY?! Lol okay, if you insist!

Surely the rest of their idols can’t be as bad, right?! W.R.O.N.G.! Check out this dandy who doesn’t even know how to flip a fucking coin.

That was the daintiest shit I have ever seen in my life. He looked like he was throwing coins into a fountain, wishing he wasn’t a nutsack ass bitch who shits on gold toilets. Who in the history of the world has ever flipped a coin like that?! This man that the right have propped up as their idol can’t flip a coin and sucks dick and gargles balls. The very picture of a manly man!

Then there’s this couch-fucker and his carefully lined eyes. This man who claims to have grown up in Appalachia, despite living the majority of his childhood being raised in a town less than an hour outside of Cincinnati. The man who has made it his life’s mission to be a pandering nutsack in his quest for power and relevancy and changes his name with every grift. Who pretends like racism isn’t real while being openly racist despite being the husband of a brown woman and the father of brown children. Who has Mommy issues engrained so deeply in his insecure psyche that he doesn’t know how to function as a normal human. This is definitely the man that we want our young men and boys to look up to and emulate.

On the bright side, I suppose fucking couches is better than being a rapist or a predator; and since the GOP are now the Guardians of Pedophiles, we’ll take anything we can get at this point. Take your frustrations out on the furniture and leave the women and the children out of it, James Donald Bowman!

Then you’ve got these three clowns with more money than sense or charm, who could solve all the world’s problems and still be filthy fucking rich, but have instead decided to use their immense wealth for evil. To be fair, growing up looking like an alien wearing a human skinsuit was probably pretty hard for them.

What drives these men is not mysterious. At their very core, every one of them is an unloved loser. They were raised on a spectrum, with some of them being traded by their mothers for drugs, while others were told by their mothers that they’re the most special, brilliant little boys on the planet who can do no wrong, to others who had parents that legitimately hated them and waged emotional and psychological warfare on their children for sport. Every one of them is a deeply insecure and wildly damaged man who understands, whether they have ever vocalized it or not, that the only way they were ever going to be admired or revered was by exploiting others to be come unfathomably rich.

And now these men run the United States government, either directly or indirectly, and hold most of the country’s wealth. They are systematically undoing years of precedent and democracy because they are utterly intolerable to be around and want to punish us all for not liking them. Like the notoriously reasonable and unemotional menfolk they are.

It’s just so weird for me, as a woman, to watch men simp for these losers and virgins and prop them up as the great thinkers of our time. I’m so old I can remember when men wanted to fuck women! I can remember when it was, well, pretty much all they ever fucking thought or talked about! When “adding another notch to your belt” was a point of pride, and not a reason for shame or repentance. I remember what it was like to be a woman on the receiving end of those efforts, and how good and exciting it felt when someone you were vibing with vibed with you too and you decided to go home together. What a thrill!

Now those men that I spent my barfly days with are sharing podcast clips from Jordan Peterson and the ones who used to scream “FUCK THE POLICE” at the top of their lungs are sharing AI photos of white Jesus hugging ghost Charlie Kirk. These are not the same men with whom I used to talk to into the wee hours of the night about life and politics and music and love and humanity and books. Those men used to go out every single night with two main goals: to get drunk, and to get laid, in that order. Now most of them are sitting back and watching this happen, and either celebrating it, or saying nothing about it. Both are equally violent.

Until the men understand that nothing changes without their active participation, we will continue down this dangerous path. So consider this your reckoning– when the books are written about this timeline in America’s already horrifically sordid history, on which side do you want to be able to tell your grandchildren you fought for? Because right now a lot of you are set to be recorded as allied with the men that have denigrated, abused, and assaulted their mothers and grandmothers. I hope you’ll be able to look them in the eyes and be honest with them and explain yourself instead of being a coward, but we all know that the overwhelming majority of you won’t. You’ll deflect, make excuses, and find a way to point your fingers and assign blame to the women, just like you have done since the dawn of time. Because blame and accountability are the only things you won’t take credit for, and when you get right down to it, that is fucking poetry.